Erin's Diary
by Dr. Michaela Quinn
Summary: Erin needs a special place to write her private thoughts and emotions on paper.
1. Mrs Ashley Longworth Junior?

**A/N: I believe everybody knows that Erin had her own rock at Drucilla's Pond that she would sit, think and write private thoughts when she wanted to be alone. We as the viewer never really knew what she was thinking about while she was there, so I'm going to try and put some thoughts into Miss Erin Walton's head. This may be a one-shot story, unless I get enough feedback for another chapter. This one story will be review based. I need at least five reviews per chapter before I continue because I'm busy with other stories, my college career (which you all know needs a lot of my attention), church activities (I teach a Sunday School class and have to prepare my lesson for that), and may be to be able to take a breath for myself. =) This story is starting at roughly Season Seven, but I might slip up, please show me and tell me if I do. Thank you, well, without further ado; I'll let you start reading **_**Erin's Diary.**_

__Erin Walton sat on her bed with her notebook thinking. Elizabeth walked in and looked over Erin's shoulder.

"What are you writing about Erin? Are you writing a book about us like John-Boy?" Elizabeth asked curiously. Erin closed her notebook and looked at her little sister.

"Please go away Elizabeth. This is private." Erin replied. Elizabeth scoffed.

"Come on Erin." Elizabeth said. Erin closed her notebook and put her pen above her ear and stood up. "Where are you going?" Erin looked at her.

"That's truly none of your business Elizabeth." Erin responded. She walked down the stairs with Elizabeth at her tail.

"Come on Erin! Where are you going?" Elizabeth questioned. Grandma and Mama were standing in the kitchen working on dinner.

"Mama, tell Elizabeth that she has to stay here and leave me alone." Erin said to her Mama.

"Where are you going Erin?" Grandma asked stopping her granddaughter.

"I'm just going to get a breath of fresh air. I need some time alone." Erin responded and walked through the door.

"Be back by supper!" Mama called after Erin. Erin walked down from the house passed the barn and the mill.

"Hey Erin!" Mary Ellen called out as she got out of Jason's car. She was wearing her nurse's uniform which meant she'd just come home from the hospital. Erin waved at her and walked down the road to the pond. She walked over to her rock and sat down with her notebook. Erin looked up at the sun; it was warm on her face. She looked back down at her notebook. Erin sighed and started writing.

_ "I was thinking of Ashley today. I looked at the picture he sent me in his uniform. I hate the idea that he's gone so long, but at least he still writes to me. We want to get married, but we have to wait until the end of the war. I'm so scared that I'll lose him. Curt and G.W. died in the war and neither of them are overseas; they were both still in our country. G.W. was at Camp Lee, and Curt was at Pearl Harbor. Ashley is all the way in Europe. He wrote me a letter last week and told me he can't wait to be back here on the mountain with me and we'll get married. I truly can't wait to be Mrs. Ashley Longworth Jr. The only problem is what will happen with Miss Emily? If Ashley doesn't come home will I become Miss Emily? Longing for a man to come my way who never will come back? A past love? That scares me sometimes, but I'm not Miss Emily." _Erin sighed and looked up from her notebook. She picked up a rock and tossed it into the water and watched it ping on the water. She smiled and went back to her writing.

_"I wish I had somebody to talk to about this. I know I can't talk to Mama or Daddy. They think I'm too young to love another person, even though Mama got married when she was my age. Mary Ellen seems like the most likely candidate because she was married and even has a son, but since Curt just recently died I can't ask her stuff like this. Elizabeth is too young and immature to talk to about things like this. She's only thirteen and still plays with dolls. Not as much as she used to, but it is still there. I used to be able to talk to Grandpa, but since he died, I haven't been able to talk to him like I used to. Grandma gets tired more easily since she had her stroke. But maybe I could talk to her." _Erin looked up at the sun, it was going down and she was sure that she should be heading home soon for dinner.

_"Well, I'm also getting tired of my work at the telephone office. I don't really do anything. I do the same thing day after day; hour after hour. I have been taking classes at the business school and my grades are pretty good, but it's not always the important thing."_ Erin closed her notebook and stood up. She strolled back from the pond back to her house and walked in the front door. Everyone was already sitting at the table ready to eat.

"Erin, come on; we're about to eat." Jason said.

"I'll be back down in a minute." Erin rushed up the stairs and put her notebook in the secret place that she kept it from Elizabeth and laid the pen on her desk. She ran down the stairs and slid into her seat next to Mary Ellen at the end of the table. "I'm sorry Mama." Olivia nodded.


	2. Mama's Gone

**A/N: Okay, I only got one review and I said I needed five to add a new chapter, but I was dying to add another chapter to this story. =)**

One morning a few weeks later, Erin got up and saw Elizabeth still in bed snoring. Erin walked over to the closet and got out her dress for the day. She put on her pink robe and walked from her room and knocked on the door of her parents.

"Mama?" Erin asked. The door opened and John was standing there.

"What's the matter Erin?" John asked.

"Oh daddy." Erin exclaimed and hugged him. "I had this horrible dream that Mama got really sick and died. I need to see her. Please, I want to know it wasn't true." Erin rushed into the empty bedroom of her Mama and Daddy. John walked up behind his sobbing daughter and put his hands on her shoulders.

"I'm sorry Erin. I miss her too. She's only at Virginia Beach." John stated. Erin turned around. Her face was red from crying, and she was heaving.

"All alone. She's at some sanatorium out there. I feel so bad because she's sick and I can't do anything for her." Erin cried harder and John hugged her.

"We all feel that way Erin." John exclaimed. "It isn't just you. I wish I could help your mama but she has the best care in the world right now. You have to understand that." John stated in his sensitive and caring way.

"I miss Mama. When can she come home?" Erin asked. John looked at his middle daughter.

"I don't know Erin. She has to get better before she can come home and she's not really been gone very long. She left with your Aunt Kate just a week ago. I don't think that's enough time for her to get better. Mary Ellen says that it might not even be enough time to get her the right treatment." John replied. Erin stopped crying and pulled her robe tighter around her.

"First Grandpa, then Curt, now Mama. I don't know who we're going to lose next." Erin walked out of the bedroom. John stopped her in the hallway.

"Erin? I don't think you should go to work today." John stated. Erin turned around and looked at him.

"Daddy, I can't not go in today. They need me." Erin responded.

"I think Fannie Tatum can get through one day without you Erin. You need to stay home. You are so full of emotion, but you haven't let any of it out since your Mama left for Virginia Beach." John said. Erin looked down at the ground. She couldn't deny it. She knew it was true.

"Can I go Daddy?" Erin asked. John nodded.

"But don't go far Erin!" John said.

"I won't Daddy." Erin replied. She walked back into her bedroom with her dress in her hands. She slipped the dress on, grabbed her diary and a pen and walked out of the house.

"Morning Erin." Jason said from the table where he was eating breakfast. Erin waved at him but didn't say anything as she headed out of the house. First she sat on the porch and took out her diary.

_"I had a nightmare last night. I dreamed that Mama got really sick and died. It was horrible! Mama left for Virginia Beach just last week. I don't want her to die. I hate that she had to leave us. I wish there was something I could have done to help Mama feel better. I wish I could have maybe detected a problem sooner so she could still be here on the Mountain with us. But I didn't. And Mama's going to die and it's all my fault." _

"Whatcha writing about?" Ben asked as he walked over and leaned to look into her diary. Erin pulled it close to her chest.

"Ben, please leave me alone. I really need to be alone." Erin said sternly.

"Fine Erin. I was just wondering." Ben walked inside the house and left Erin on the porch alone again.

"Where was I?" Erin thought to herself. She opened up her diary and started writing again.

_"I have tried writing letters to Mama. I get the letter written and put in the envelope; but I just can't seem to find the courage or the strength to take it to Ike's. I don't know what to tell Mama. Oh I think I'm the reason you got sick? Mama would call that nonsense. I need her here with me right now. I love Daddy, Jason, Rose and Mary Ellen, but they can't help me the way that Mama can. Elizabeth and Jim Bob try to help but they seem to be more of a nuisance than a help. I love them though. I'm just so tired of feeling like this. I don't know what I can do. Maybe I'll go write Mama another letter and actually mail it to her this time._ Erin closed her diary and looked around the Walton property. Mary Ellen was just leaving for the hospital. She had apparently snuck past Erin as she was writing. Ben was out working in the mill again. Elizabeth and Jim Bob were heading off to school.

"Bye Erin!" Elizabeth and Mary Ellen called. Erin waved half-heartedly. Mary Ellen looked at Jim Bob and Elizabeth.

"Why don't you guys hop in and I'll give you a ride to school?" With that, Mary Ellen, Jim Bob and Elizabeth were off. Erin stood up and walked in the house and upstairs to put away her journal and write a letter to her mama.


	3. Camp Lee

**A/N: I'm sorry it's been so long since I wrote a chapter. This will be a good one and well worth the wait though. For most men this was probably their favorite episode of the Waltons. I know my dad said it was his favorite growing up. Well, let's get on with the story.**

It had only been ten days since Ben got his new camera and he was taking pictures of the mountain. Erin convinced Ben to take a picture of her in a pair of shorts to send to their Mama. Erin was upstairs reading some of her "fan mail" from soldiers at Camp Lee. Elizabeth walked up the stairs and opened the door.

"Erin? Mary Ellen said it's time for dinner and told me to come get you." Elizabeth said.

"I'll be down in a little bit. I'm just going to finish answering some of these letters." Erin replied with a smile. Elizabeth sat on the edge of the bed.

"What do they say?" Elizabeth asked curiously. Erin laughed.

"Here, read one for yourself." Erin handed Elizabeth an envelope with a smile. Elizabeth opened it and read the letter to herself.

"Are you going to reply to all of them?" Elizabeth asked as she put the letter back on the bed. Erin nodded.

"I'm going to try." She looked up at Elizabeth. "I just feel so bad for these soldiers. They may not have anybody to write to. I may be the only person who will write to them." Elizabeth nodded.

"Yeah, they might be awfully lonely Erin. Just make sure that you're careful around Daddy. He wasn't too happy to see that picture at Camp Lee. If he finds out that you are writing to those soldiers he may get mad." Elizabeth stated. Erin nodded.

"I know." Erin replied. Elizabeth walked down the stairs. Erin stood up and opened the drawer of the desk. She put the letters in the drawer and then closed it. She walked over to the door and walked down the stairs. John, Jason, Mary Ellen, Ben, Jim Bob and Elizabeth were already at the table. Erin slid into her place next to Mary Ellen.

**[**

After supper Erin walked upstairs and got her diary. She walked to Drucilla's Pond hoping that nobody was on her rock. When she got there, nobody was sitting there so she walked over to it. As she tried to sit down she almost slipped into the water because the rock was wet. Erin squealed and she tried to keep her balance. From across the pond she saw John Boy's writing cabin.

"I'll just go over there." Erin thought to herself. She got off the rock and headed around Drucilla's Pond to get to the cabin. She walked and sat at John Boy's desk. She sighed and smiled as the sun poured in from the window. "Perfect." She thought. Erin opened her diary and began to write to her heart's content.

_"I'm not sure how I feel today. It's only been about a week or two since Ben's picture of me ended up in the Charlottesville paper. I don't know what I think of that. At one point I'm embarrassed and upset with Ben. Yet at the same time, I'm kind of excited about all the soldiers I've been able to talk to and the people who have seen the picture. Many people have told me that it's my patriotic duty writing to the troops. So many of them are away from home for the first time. One gentleman even told me I reminded him of his girlfriend back in Kentucky. I want to be there for them but I don't want Mama and Daddy to be upset with me for this. I don't think it is doing any harm talking to the soldiers. Daddy let me go to Camp Lee last week and talk to the soldiers because they wanted me there. He was hesitant to let me go. If it weren't for Mary Ellen, I don't think Daddy would have let me go at all. All of the soldiers were so nice to me."_ Erin sighed and put her pen down and thought about all the guys at Camp Lee. They treated her like a real nice young lady even if she was wearing a respectful dress instead of shorts. Erin looked back down at her diary and continued writing. _"Daddy and Mama just didn't realize the service I was doing for our men in the military. I wasn't doing anything wrong. I was just trying to make the trip for the men at Camp Lee a little easier. Well, it's getting dark out and Daddy doesn't like me to be out late." _Erin smiled. "_Speaking of men in the military, maybe I will go home and write a letter to Ashley."_ With that Erin stood up and walked towards the door of the cabin so she could head home.


	4. Cindy

Things had almost calmed down with the Camp Lee incident before Ben came home and announced he was married to a young woman named Cindy Brunson. The entire family was up in arms about it. Erin was sitting at the breakfast table with Elizabeth, Mary Ellen, John Curtis, and Jim Bob when Ben and Cindy walked through the front door to the table.

"Good morning." Cindy said in her cheerful way.

"Morning." Mary Ellen said with a nod and then put a spoon up to John Curtis's mouth. Elizabeth looked at her and smiled.

"Is there any breakfast left?" Ben asked with a smile.

"I'm sorry Ben, but Daddy's already out at the mill and Jason's already left for the Dew Drop, then there was the four of us." Erin started to say. Ben walked over to the pan on the stove. He picked up the spoon and slammed it down.

"You knew we were here! Why didn't you leave us any breakfast?" Ben exclaimed and hit the stove with his hand.

"Ben." Cindy said trying to calm him down. Ben looked at Cindy.

"Come on Cindy. It's obvious we aren't wanted around here." Ben stated. He grabbed Cindy's hand and they walked towards the front door.

"Ben!" Mary Ellen exclaimed as she stood up, but Ben ignored her. The door slammed behind them.

"What's his problem?" Elizabeth asked.

"I'm not sure." Erin stated.

"Ben probably still thinks that we haven't accepted Cindy; but that's not it. Ben has a lot of issues Elizabeth." Mary Ellen replied. Erin stood up and walked over and put her bowl in the sink.

"Well Mary Ellen, I have to leave for the defense plant. Can you handle everything here?" Erin asked. Mary Ellen looked over at her from feeding John Curtis.

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure that I can. Elizabeth can pretty much take care of herself now." Mary Ellen replied and then looked at John Curtis. "Here you go John Curtis. Take a bite." Elizabeth stood up and walked over to Erin. She put her hand on Erin's shoulder.

"You go, and don't worry about Ben. Maybe I can talk to him and Cindy. I was the one who got Yancy and Sissy back together." Elizabeth said with a smile. She was referring to the time she used the Baldwin Sisters' Papa's law books to be Yancy's lawyer and ended up getting them back together instead of separating. Erin put her hand on Elizabeth's hair.

"You are wise Elizabeth, very wise." Erin paused. "Well I guess I should be going." Erin walked across the living room and walked out the front door. Jason was pulling up in front of the house. "Jason! What are you doing here?" Erin asked. Jason jumped out and walked over to her.

"Hey Erin. I'm off for today. Now I have to go into Rockfish. Do you need anything?" Jason asked.

"A ride to the defense plant would be nice." Erin paused. "What are you doing off so early?"

"They said that not very many people were coming in. They asked me to come back later. So I guess when they really need me is when I'll be playing the piano." Jason smiled. Erin climbed into the car and they rode together into Rockfish.

"You should have heard Ben complaining today. There is just no pleasing him." Erin stated with her arms crossed.

" It's just because he's trying to get used to being married and everything Erin. That's all." Jason said.

[

Erin was laying on the bed several hours later writing in her diary.

"_Dear Diary. Ben was such a pain today. He comes home and tells all of us that he is getting married and now we are the one with the problem. I don't know why he's acting like this."_ Erin paused and there was a knock on the door.

"Come in." Erin said. The door opened and Cindy quietly walked in and closed the door. "Hi."

"Hi." Cindy sighed. "I have already apologized to Mary Ellen and Elizabeth. I wanted to say how truly sorry I am for Ben's behavior lately. He shouldn't have done all of that." Erin sat up on the bed.

"It's alright Cindy. Really. Ben can just get like that sometimes. He doesn't really mean anything by it." Erin stated.

"Okay, I just wanted to make sure you weren't mad at me." Cindy replied. Erin got up and hugged her. Then they sat down on the bed.

"I'm not mad at you." Erin hugged her new sister-in-law. Cindy smiled.

"Well, Elizabeth and I were going to watch John Curtis for Mary Ellen; I better go." Cindy stood up, smoothed her hair and her dress and walked out of the room. Erin went back to her journal. She sighed before she picked up the pen again.

"_I really do like Cindy. She's nice enough. I just wish Ben would have given us enough time to get to know her. Mama and Daddy sure weren't happy with the idea. Especially with Ben running off and not telling anybody. I'm sure Mama thought the worst about that. Well, Cindy seems to be adjusting okay even though she grew up in Washington so she doesn't know how to do a lot of the chores that we do on the farm. Other than that I know Ben picked the best girl out there for himself. I just hope that she can deal with everything that he can give out. As his sisters Mary Ellen, Elizabeth and I have learned to deal with it. But we didn't choose to live like this like she did."_ Erin looked out the window from her bed. "_Well, it's getting late, I have to be going there are evening chores that need done around here. I'm going to go downstairs and see if Mary Ellen needs help with the dishes or if Elizabeth would like a reprieve from John Curtis for a while."_

Erin closed her journal and put it into its special place and then walked out of the room closing the door behind her.


End file.
